Return of Captain Sex Kitten

Captain's Log

Captain Sex Kitten here. Logging on from Kentucky again. Yeah, so I will occasionally travel to the far reaches of the universe in pursuit of love, lust, and a life of passion and adventure. Truth. Sometimes there's just no reliable internet connection in outer space. Or at Burning Man for that matter.

Black Rock City never disappoints. The weirdness and wildness of the playa rearranges everything in your life at once. Mind, Body, and Spirit. Ask 100 citizens of Black Rock City what Burning Man is, get 100 different answers, each a piece of the entire truth. 

If you've never been to Burning Man, it's important to understand that the community embraces ten basic principles. The culture encourages freedom, and sexuality is only one of the many ways to express yourself. We're used to living in a culture where sexuality is maligned, feared, or distorted for political and commercial purposes. It's refreshing to get the fuck away from all that once a year. I can't name any citizen of Black Rock City who hasn't been transformed by their experience in some way, whether they chose to explore sexuality there or not. 

Earlier this week, after explaining Burners without Borders, an organization that actively works on grassroots community rebuilding and global health initiatives worldwide, the guy I was speaking to says: "Don't take this the wrong way, but it's not going to be easy to rally people to your causes when all they see of Burning Man is nudity and drug use." He works in advertising, and also says "Perception is truth!" all the time. Forest, meet the trees. My dumbfounded response: "Well, OK then."  I am not sure of his rich source of information on Burning Man, but I'm opting out of a battle in favor of an open discussion. 

I googled "sexuality at Burning Man" to get perspective from the peanut gallery, and found (Warning - it's AWFUL!!!) this.  Excruciatingly bad writing, empty sex, and marginal drug use. So yeah, it would be dumb to argue that there are no idiots at Burning Man or that nudity and drug use don't play a part in how outsiders view the entire event. However, some people genuinely embrace the freedom to pursue personal change and growth via sexual expression in a way that inspires and informs others. 

 Respect, safety, and regard to the personal boundaries of others is assumed and promoted as a culture. Running around naked and carefree in the desert is actually very exhilarating. In fact, our neighbors over at Glitter Camp offer head to to sparkling, for the fashionable nudist. I highly recommend it as an additional method of sun-reflection - "disco tits!"    

 Stay tuned, as Captain Sex Kitten digs up stories of safe, respectful sexual self-expression on the playa. From drug addled nudists to sacred sunset tantra. Behind the scenes with "adults only" theme camps. Making out with superstars. Finding value in the absurd. 

Yours truly, CSK. 

As always, feel free to write CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com, especially if you have sexy stories from the playa! xoxoxo  

 

My Beloved Bourbonista

Holy fuck, it's Friday, and Captain Sex Kitten salutes The Bourbinsta! The most glamorous high heeled bull in a china shop of all time, the mouth of the south, and one of my best friends on the face of the Earth . My Sister here has taught me everything I know about leaving my inhibitions at the door, unabashedly saying what I mean and meaning what I say. She is primarily responsible for inspiring my "choose your own adventure" style career path.  This blog exists due to her support (with shout outs to my other Sisters Provocateur), random notes taken during many back porch girl talks, bourbon on the rocks, and my willingness to take her dating advice and run with it. Some sort of social experiment gone happily awry, that's my love life. It's great. 

What will you find on The Bourbonista's blog? Poems about her vagina. Musings on the magic of cleavage. Non-violent ways to discourage strangers from living in your backyard. Stories about mishaps and misadventures in our Northside neighborhood. Dollywood mushroom diets. Tales from the turtles at her Lakeside retreat. A party girl gone feral.... Really, you never know what's coming next, and therein lies the Bourbonista charm. 

A glittering rhinestone in the rough, be sure to get your weekly recommended dose of divine wisdom from The Bourbonista Blog. Just don't fuck with her house while she's at the lake. The housesitter has done time for murder and would do so again under the right circumstances (the cats love him and he's really tidy). 

Get your bourbon on the rocks ready, here's the direct link to your darling Bourbonista. Refreshing! 
http://thebourbonista.com/index.html

Stay tuned to hear more from The Bourbonista - she will eventually drop a guest blog down for you here, when you least expect it. With glitter confetti and girly cocktails on the side. As always, feel free to email CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com. Tell me about your best friend's blog! xo 


 

Slut Pride

The first time somebody called me a slut, it had nothing to do with sex. This was not somebody I had ever met, much less considered having sex with. I was in high school. I stood up at some sort of board meeting and voiced my opinion, with confident sweet sixteen aplomb, that sexual education was important in schools. I said that teenagers deserved to have access to information that would make a difference in their health and well-being, that sex was not a horrible awful thing, and thanked the adults in my life who helped provide me with guidance and support. Afterwards, a man approached me outside where I was standing with a friend. He narrowed his eyes and said: "So, do your parents know that you're already a little slut?" He spit on the ground next to our feet and walked away. Hateful and sad. 

I also experienced slut-shaming prejudice from peers in high school. I noted the irony of being called a "slut" by a guy I had refused to go on a date with. The irony caught up with him hard by way of a sucker punch to the gut when he had the nerve to call me a slut again in the parking lot after a football game. Also, he should have known better than to enrage my crew - stoners, math wizards, band geeks, and art freaks are the true masters of creatively crafty paybacks.

Then along came Kathleen Hanna. The stunning lead singer of Bikini-Kill wrote "Slut" on her belly in bold black letters. Pissed off by the loud aggressive, testosterone fueled jerky ass dudes beating each other senseless in the mosh pit, she took back SLUT. Also, CUNT, DYKE, WHORE, and a handful of other "dirty" words, scrawled all over her body with a sharpie. She cut through the violence and aggression with words and energy and inspired a movement (Riot Grrl) that united young punky chicks everywhere. Strength in numbers. Fighting fire with fire. Challenging people to look, to deal with it. I liked her style. Hanna said: "I felt that if I wrote slut or whore or incest victim on my stomach, then I wouldn't just be silent...." And together we reveled in it. Whatever it was - our angst, our pain, our rock n' roll, our dignity, our pride, our sexuality, our self-expression.

Like everything after high school, things continue to get better and brighter. There's an exquisiteness to hearing "the S word" spoken with love and affection, rolling off the lips of a dazzled lover - "There's my beautiful little slut..." he says, twisting my nipples and nibbling my earlobe, enjoying the way I feel, taste, look, and respond to his sweet touch. Hell yeah, I'm a slut. So what?! I love healthy, happy sex. I'm sexy and proud, bitches. I'm GGG (Good/Game/Giving - in Savage lexicon). I like responsible, safe, honest to goodness fucking. I like giving and getting pleasure and passion. In the words of the indomitable Margaret Cho : "...And so I wondered, am I gay or am I straight?! And then I realized, I'm just slutty!!! Where's my parade? What about slut pride?!" Word. 

Margaret Cho fabulousity:

Poly-wood Vacation Home

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Tips from the Kissing Booth

Kissing is way important, folks. You can tell a lot about somebody by the way they kiss. Having earned my reputation as a "make-out bandit" fair and square, I've had the pleasure of puckering up to some pretty great partners in the kissing booth. I haven't put up with the awkwardness of a face-eating, spit dripping, tongue chewing kissing session since high school. Life's too short for bad kissing, people. So I'll let you in on a few choice tips that are sure to please if you play your cards well.

1. Find the right moment...  
Everyone is nervous before kissing somebody new, that's natural. You're probably thinking about it beforehand, especially if you're having a great time together. Don't let it build up too much, the right moment will surface. Walking in the park at sunset? Standing outside looking at the full moon? Dropping your date off on the front porch? You look over and you'll just know when it's happening. Relax. Let it be sweet. Sounds cliche? That's because cliches are a guaranteed comfort zone for most people. Starting in the comfort zone is a guaranteed win for one and all. 

2. Be aware of your partner...
Good kissing is about sensing the person next to you. You're kissing them because you like something about them. Maybe it's personality, a smile, a sparkle in the eye. Maybe it's the fact that their ass looks fucking fantastic in those shiny red hotpants. It doesn't matter how you're drawn to this person, but something about them makes your bottom lip quiver. Every kiss is like alchemy - it's all about how your lips and energy mingle. Be aware of your partner's touch, the way they move, the breath. When you're sensitive to the other person, you'll figure out what feels good (and what doesn't for that matter) right quick. Find that out, and then do more of it. Success. 

3. Come up for air....
If you're one of the "face-eaters," this is where you go wrong. After finding the right moment, leaning in for the kiss, making contact, and feeling the connection with the other person, don't get so excited about cramming your tongue down somebody's throat that you lose the entire connection. Let the kiss take it's course, then back up for a moment and check back in. Is the object of your desire looking up at you in wide starry-eyed wonder? Then do it again! Is she wiping the slobber off her chin and backing away? It's OK. Sometimes the chemistry really isn't there. You tried. Now stop trying and leave that one alone. 

Practice makes perfect, right? Remember, intuition matters way more than experience. Feel it out. May the force be with you. MWAH!!!! xoxoxo

What makes kissing "good" or "bad"???? Discuss. Post a comment OR Email CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com with your two cents. xo

Breakin' Up (Mix Tape!)

This is your Captain speaking. We're about to hit some turbulance, but just hold fast. The crash landing is coming, but yes, this too shall pass. 

Break ups are awkward. There's no way around it. Usually, if you're the one having to start the conversation, it weighs heavily on your shoulders. You don't want to hurt the other person, but you've gotta say stuff you think they don't want to hear. Usually, if you're the one about to get dumped, you can feel the "It's not you, it's me" coming on, like the breeze when the clouds roll in before a storm. Whether it's an epic DTMFA ("dump the mother-fucker already!") break up, an amicable "yeah, we're better off as friends" conversation across the kitchen table, or you just got told that "this ain't gonna work out" - here's a playlist to fall into while you're falling out of love. Pick up the pieces, dust 'em off, and move right along little doggys. Captain Sex Kitten loves you. 

Captain's Greatest Break Up Tunes:

1. Hey Boy - by the Blow 
2. 24 Hours - by the Noisettes
3. It'll Feel Good When It Quits Hurtin' - Loretta Lynn
4. So Sad About Us - The Jam 
5. Walk It Off - The Breeders 
6. Shut Up and Let Me Go - The Ting Tings 
7. Get Over It - OK GO
8. You Ain't No Big Thing Baby - Holly Golightly
9. No Need to Cry - Neko Case 
10. Just Ain't Gonna Work Out - Mayer Hawthorne  
11. The Angels Hung Around - Rilo Kiley
12. Tears for Affairs - Camera Obscura
13. In The Summer's When You Really Know - Jets to Brazil 

Here's a link to this playlist on Grooveshark. Rock out with your chin up. 

Ask Captain Sex Kitten: Breaking Up is Hard To Do

Dear Captain Sex Kitten:
So what is "good" sex and what is "bad" sex? I've been dating this guy for about 6 months now, and I like him a lot, he's one of my best friends....But the "spark" is gone. I've been faking orgasms for three months now and actually fell asleep when he was going down on me last night. I've thought about breaking up with him a lot. There's other things about us that don't quite add up... but I really don't want to hurt his feelings either. I love and respect him, but am not "in love" with him. What do I do? 
Sincerely, 
Miss Mousey

Dear Mousey-pie, 
I don't know about you, but I'd rather be single than sorry.

You have to talk to this guy. Break up with him, if you really do respect him and consider him a friend. You're not being honest, and the longer that goes on the more painful it will  be when the truth hits the fan. You know it's something that you don't want to say, and you think he doesn't want to hear, and that makes things hard. But if you don't say or do something about it NOW, this situation can only result in more grief for both of you. Breaking up is hard to do. Just be direct and honest and compassionate - with him and yourself. 

Also, forget "good" sex. Life is far too short to not experience the joys of awesome, amazing, mindblowing sex with wonderful partners you feel great being with. Sex is like exotic food, it comes in a lot of varieties - you might like it but you won't know until you try, so have fun figuring it out! 

What do you like? How comfortable are you with your body? What feels great to you? What do you think of yourself, overall? Notice how this line of questioning doesn't have anything to do with another person?! Right, that's the point. In order to have nothing short of a spectacular time in the sack, you've got some homework to do first, but that's cool. We've all been there. This isn't something you figure out once, "happily ever after" stuff. Change happens, and that's actually great! Just keep going in the direction of things that feel good and exciting  to YOU, and you'll easily attract other new friends, lovers, and companions with similar attitudes to play with. Figure out how you like to be treated (in and out of the bedroom), and don't settle for less.

Good luck, my dear! 
-CSK

And now, here's my favorite Break Up song of all time:



  Got a question for Captain Sex Kitten? Shoot: CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com

Real Love

Captain Sex Kitten is camping out, y'all. I'm out in the woods, finding myself in nature, blazing up the trails. It's good for the soul and stuff. I'm fortunate enough to be surrounded this week by a whole group of like-minded folks, camp-mates from all walks of life who are into the idea of taking a break from the norm, regrouping a bit, and of course stopping to smell the beautiful flowers along the the trail. 


We are all reading a book called "Real Love," by Greg Baer. A couple of my dear friends already have a lot of experience working with this text, as they run a recovery clinic and share this with their patients. They have also worked directly with the author to develop a workshop curriculum, and we're lucky enough to be taken under their wings for a "short course" on the material this week. Never underestimate the importance of looking into your heart and checking things out once in a while - re-establishing your emotional boundaries and making more conscious choices about the way you communicate with everyone you interact with, but especially those you have close relationships with. 


Real Love is basically caring about the happiness of another person, any other person but especially those you are close to, without expecting anything in return. The process of finding real love within yourself first, and then offering it to others, is not always easy. It requires the ability to tell the Truth about yourself, which can be difficult, but once you do that, it's easy to progress to being truly Seen. When somebody hears your truth, they see you in a different way and you can be truly understood. When somebody understands where you are coming from, they Accept you for who you really are, and can offer Real Love. 


Working through this process is a different journey for everyone, and can be very emotionally intense. It helps to have a guide, such as this book and/or people like my friends who facilitate this workshop. It helps to have at least one to three other friends who are willing to honestly go through this process together.


Whether you do it at your kitchen table, in your favorite cafe, or in a breathtaking valley in the Virginia highlands, the process of finding Real Love is a definite yellow-brick-road to peace and well-being. If that sounds good to you, I highly recommend this spectacular trail, the view is amazing! I am grateful to be surrounded by so many compassionate souls striving to work together to make the world a much better place.


Here is a link to the Real Love website:
http://www.reallove.com/ 


Would you like more information about where to find a Real Love course in central KY? Email CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com and I'll hook you up. xo 

Autobiography of a Fangrrrl - Part 2

Part Two of "Autobiography of a Fangrrrl" by Lady J:

After my sophomore year, my dad invited me to come and stay with him for a month. My brother, Adicus, lived with him, so I was super excited to raid his comic book/graphic novel shelves. I read everything that he had – Preacher, Kingdom Come, Batman, Silver Surfer. At some point, the universe had decided that not only would I like anime and manga, but that I would revisit (and reconnect with) my love for comics. Basically, the universe had decided that I would be a huge nerd, and it was inescapable/undeniable.
After a while, though, I started to feel somewhat alienated. As a girl, it is often difficult to relate to comic books, anime, and even video games (essentially geek culture), because we’re so underrepresented. And if we (girls, grrrls, wimmin, wymyn, ladies, women) are represented, we’re overly-sexualized, or we’re catty villains with huge boobs that could put our eyes out, or we’re conniving. When I was 17, I started getting into feminism and women’s rights, and nerd culture was really starting to get to me. Where the hell was I? Where were the imperfect, awkward girls with black-framed glasses, and Chuck Taylors? I really didn’t know anyone involved in comic books that didn’t have a penis.
After school I would sometimes ride the public bus with my best friend, Andrea, to one of the local comic book stores here in Lexington, and I would pick up a few comics (if they were on sale). I would rent anime VHSes, there, too – for a dollar! I remember getting money after I graduated from high school, and I went and bought a pair of green Chuck Taylors at Paisley Peacock, and then stopped at Collectibles, Etc. and picked up a Ghost in the Shell poster featuring Major Motoko Kusanag, and an Alex Ross Black Canary. I loved those posters. Both cost a dollar (because it was a moving sale) and both featured strong women.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there are strong girls/women featured in comics (and sometimes hidden), but unless you know where to look, they’re often overlooked or considered secondary. Take the Oracle, for example. As Batgirl, she was shot by the Joker in The Killing Joke, and was confined to a wheelchair. She was often overlooked as a superhero because people/fans found her to be annoying and catty. She was, after all, created to be Robin’s love interest. Secondary. After she became a badass hacker, however, she started gaining some respect; and after she paired up with the Black Canary, she gained recognition as one of the strongest female comic book characters ever – and she’s got four-eyes and a wheelchair!
I guess what I’m saying is that, ladies, we are underrepresented, but that’s only because we’re often absent in the culture of comic books and geeks. If we are to gain a voice, we need to be present! We need to say: “Hey, I’m here. My waist is not the size of a mayonnaise jar. My boobs are not the size of cantaloupes. And I don’t need a skin-tight leather outfit to kick major ass.” We need more Wonder Women; we need more Buffys; we need more Supergirls; we need more Deaths; we need more Ravens. We need adequate and accurate representation. I’m tired of feeling alienated. I’m a geek, dammit, and I want to be surrounded by fellow geek grrrls!   

Thank you to Lady J for the telling her truth. 

Are you a geeky girl too? Tell us your story - CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com

Autobiography of a Fangrrrl - Part 1

My friend Lady J is a smart, tough, sweet-hearted comic geek. I've asked for her take on comic culture, when and how she started reading and what it all means to her as a feminist, and she's delivered! Thanks sister! Your voice is much appreciated! 

Man, I can remember the first time I was opened up to the world of fangrrrlness. I was 9 or 10, and my brother Adicus had just had his appendix taken out, and he was still in the hospital from the procedure. I’m not sure how long he stayed in there, or when it was exactly (fall, winter, etc.), or where she got it (there were only two nerd stores in Huntington), but I do remember begging my mother for a comic book (Ad had gotten a few because he was sick and bored in the hospital). It was the early 90s, and I was almost a tweenager, so I had already been exposed to the awesomeness that was the TMNT, She-Ra, Thundercats, Voltron, and the many cartoon series based on comic books that came out in the early 90s. I had never read a comic book, however - until that year. 

I can only assume that my mother picked the first one she saw on the shelf. It was a 1993 issue of the X-Men, and it contained love, and sadness, and strong women, and viruses, and grudges; needless to say, my 10-year-old brain was blown. For about a year, that was the only comic book I had in my possession, and it was mine. Not Ad’s. Not Tim’s. Mine. And I loved it. I read it almost every day when I got home from school, and it never got boring.
Then after being absent from my early childhood, my father suddenly started making appearances in my life - taking us to the movies, taking us to comic book shoppes, taking us to get pizza. It wasn’t until we went to the comic book store as a family that I got a second comic book, and actually, it wasn’t a comic, so much as it was a manga. The manga was called The Dirty Pair. On the cover, were two girls, scantily clad in yellow leather “suits,” holding machine guns. I can barely remember the content, but I ended up buying 6 or 7 of them in middle school, so I must’ve loved them. When I was 11, I discovered Barbie and Archie comics. I even got a subscription to Marvel’s Barbie - hey, I was 11, leave me alone! I really needed to know if Skipper was going to wear that purple dress to her middle school dance, and if Barbie was going to find her lost poodle at the zoo!
For a while, I got “too cool” for comics, manga, and anime, and I didn’t rediscover my love for nerdiness until I was 15. Sure, I had seen a few episodes of Buffy, and I loved reruns of the Batman, but once we got rid of cable, I kind of lost interest - then I was forced to take a world history class with a fellow freaky nerd punk guy. His name was Richard. He had really bad breathe, blue hair, had ADD, ate ritalin like crazy, and was obsessed with Nirvana (the band), anime, and manga. One day I noticed that he was lingering around the classroom door, and so I asked him what was up. He said that he had a VHS for me to borrow, and that I REALLY NEEDED TO WATCH IT. It was an anime. He knew that I really liked Battle of the Planets, Gundam and Sailor Moon, so he thought that I should watch this show, too. I did. Holy crap, did I love it! It was called Rurouni Kenshin, an anime about a goofy, but endearing, traveling samurai. After I watched about 30 episodes, he informed me that he didn’t have any more of the show recorded, but that he was in the process of getting a few VHSes off of Ebay. I don’t think I ever borrowed any more VHSes from him, but he did let me borrow a manga called Ghost in the Shell. Oh boy. Mind blown. I loved that manga as well. After reading the Ghost in the Shell, I started renting anime VHSes from Blockbuster. I think, at the time, I rented every single one they had in the anime section. It didn’t matter what it was. I really liked anime. I was a huge dork. Or so I thought....

Stay tuned for the next installment of "Autobiography of a Fangrrrl" by Lady J - Coming Wednesday... Enjoy! 

Trailblazin' Time...

Captain Sex Kitten is on the road, y'all. Once in a while, when the going gets tough, the best way I know to cope is to just get away for a while. Take a deep breath, line up all the ducks, pack up some necessities, and head for the hills. Nature heals, but you have to give her a spot of time to do so. TCB.

When the going gets tough, I sometimes turn to an imaginary boyfriend for moral support. This week he's been so great, bringing me little gifts – the latest hip hop beats on vinyl, a cup of coffee to help me get through the next deadline, a sexy pair of peep toe wedge heels. He loves me unconditionally for who I am, for better or worse. I realize that I'm doing these nice little things for myself, and maybe it's weird that I like to daydream up an imaginary boyfriend once in a while, but whatever. I'm the queen of benignly unhinged coping mechanisms.

I'm a lucky gal. One thing I definitely realize, even when I'm stressed, is that I'm never alone. I have an amazing array of very real friends and family who do love me for who I am. The rest of the world can take me or leave me.

My sweet friend Lady J will be lending her voice to this blog next week while I'm out there blazing up the hiking trails. A fellow comic geek and super-fierce feminista, I've asked her to tell a piece of her story – when she started reading comics, why she likes them, and how she feels about being a fangirl. Her essay will be posted in two parts on Monday and Wednesday next week. Enjoy!

Need suggestions for benignly unhinged coping mechanisms (I'm full of 'em)? Email CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com anytime!

Gay-Boy-Scout-Gate 2012

Recently my band was invited to play a gig in Michigan, a special event at the Boy Scouts of America Headquarters. I am a proud founding member of an amazing 80-something-piece punk rock marching band called March Madness Marching Band. It takes a lot of organization and wrangling to get us anywhere, much less anywhere out of town. We were offered a nice stipend to pay this show. A non-profit group made up of musicians and dancers who volunteer our time, any money or donations we receive go towards covering the cost of our travel and musical equipment. Most of the gigs we do we joyfully play for free -- jazzing up parades, community events, and music festivals everywhere we get invited to play. 

The problem with the Boy Scouts of America gig is that this week the BSA re-emphasized and upheld a strict policy banning gays from the entire organization. Since 2000, the BSA has been under scrutiny for such discrimination, and their policies have actually violated laws in some states. They ousted Jennifer Tyrrell, a lesbian den mother, and are set to get served with a petition from Change.org signed by over 300,000 people today over this issue. There is an Eagle Scout in Iowa who was raised by lesbian mothers remaining optimistic and currently doing his best to educate his peers and help change the policy. There are parents, teachers, and actual members of the board of the BSA who are in favor of changing this policy. However, the BSA decision making "powers-that-be" appear to be a top secret, 11 member board who meet behind closed doors and mandate these "final" decisions despite the public and organizational outcry. 

As my group discusses whether or not to accept this gig, it brings a lot of awareness to how we each feel about this sensitive issue. I am grateful to be a part of such an understanding, diverse, compassionate, bunch. We have all demonstrated great respect for each other during this time. Whether or not we play the gig will depend entirely upon how many members of our group RSVP "yes" to the gig.

I personally would feel very wrong-hearted playing this gig and have already declined, but highly respect the decisions of my bandmates if they choose to play. I have read the official statement from the BSA (embedded in the Huffpost link below), and still wholeheartedly agree with Chad Griffin, the leader of the Human Rights campaign, who says: "With a country moving toward inclusion, the Boy Scouts of America have instead sent a message to young people that only some of them are valuable. They have chosen to teach division and intolerance." Although playing the gig is not an outright endorsement of the BSA policy, it could be seen as acceptance, and I absolutely reject the policy. A bandmate pointed out that many of us have been paid musicians for many different gigs and special events, and that this does not amount to an official endorsement of the organization. True that. However, the BSA has been emphatic in their refusal to listen to the public and leaders from within their own organization and even open a dialogue that could eventually lead to positive social change. This is the point at which I personally walk away, turning my attention and energy towards helping the groups who are striving for justice and equal rights for all. I just cannot participate in an event for an organization that would not welcome many of my friends, family, and members of my own band.

Although it would be fun to show up on the Boy Scouts' front lawn with a bunch of dudes in dresses. I'm truly envious of our trombone player's closet. He has a larger collection of snappy vintage dresses than I do. 

Link to Huffpost coverage of Gay-Boyscout-Gate 2012:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/17/boy-scouts-gay-ban_n_1679854.html

LA Times link "Board member says Scouts should include gays":

http://www.latimes.com/news/nation/nationnow/la-na-nn-gay-scouting-20120613,0,7381538.story

So what do YOU think about all this? Drop me a comment or email me at CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com  THANKS! 

Ask Captain Sex Kitten: Shy in Chicago

Dear Captain Sex Kitten: 

I have a major crush on this guy, except every time I see him I get very shy. He's a friend of a friend. I've met him several times but I'm so attracted to him that I pretty much lose the ability to speak. I shop in the book store he works at all the time, and I swear that I've caught him smiling at me. I look at his new pics on Facebook and we seem to share a lot of interests. According to OK Cupid we have the same favorite bands, foods, colors, and a preference for quiet nights at home reading. What should I do????

-- Shy in Chicago 

Well…. you just need to do SOMETHING. Anything. Or else stop having a crush on this guy because you're just going to sign yourself up for many more months of self-perpetuated angst. First of all, quit stalking him! Or start incorporating that into your plan of action somehow. Quit staring at him stocking books from between the shelves and go ask him for a recommendation, that's a great way to start a conversation. If the cat's still got your tongue, try actually sending him a message on Facebook or OK Cupid to get the ball rolling. Start with all those interests you share. 
What's the worst thing that could happen?! He's really just a regular guy, no big deal. He's human and it sounds like he might be shy too. He may or may not be for you, but you will never know unless you take a deep breath and actually try connecting with him. At some point you're going to have to talk to him. Just be authentic. It does take courage to open up to somebody new, especially if you're an introvert. I'm an extrovert, and I still get nervous sometimes about talking to guys I'm magnetically attracted to. But you really have nothing to lose, sweet friend. Ask him questions and listen to his answers, have fun getting to know him, and then you'll have a better frame of reference for how crush-worthy he is. He may be a really sweet guy seeking a pretty lady bookworm like you and you'll be curled up on the sofa reading to each other in no time. He may be a total whack-a-mole, and you'll never know either way until you open your mouth and start a conversation. 
Good luck darling! 

Got a question for Captain Sex Kitten???? Feel free to ask for more advice on love, lust, dating and sex in addition to a good book recommendation - Contact: CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com  

The Forecastle List (Mix Tape!)

Dear Space Cadets: 

Captain Sex Kitten is hitting the Forecastle Festival on the waterfront in Louisville, KY this weekend with her band! Whoo-hoo! Here's another sassy summer playlist, full of songs from the acts we'll be shakin' it to live and in person for the next three days.   See y'all Monday!  

1. Sunshine - by Atmosphere
2. Lights - by Ellie Golding ( Bassnectar Mix) 
3. Kiara - by Bonobo 
4. Candy Shop - by Andrew Bird's Bowl of Fire
5. No Need to Cry - by Neko Case
6. Wonderful (the way I feel) - by My Morning Jacket
7. Passenger Side - by Wilco
8. Close to You - by Ben Sollee 
9. Sugarbowl - by Kelly Hogan 
10. Drink Till We're Gone - by Lucero 
11. Whatever Gets You By - by The Features 
12. Na Na Nothing - by Mike Doughty 
13. So Long - by Fruit Bats 

Load this Lucky 13 into your favorite music management device and have a great weekend folks! Be safe. Be sassy. Be sexy. xoxoxox

Here is a link to this playlist (plus some bonus Forecastle Tracks!) on Grooveshark:



Link to Forecastle Festival site:
http://forecastlefest.com/

Got a favorite theme playlist? Email CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com with your request list! 

Be Bold - Existing to Empower!

Dare to Dream! Dare to Hope! Dare to be BOLD! 
"Be Bold exists to empower: from the hood to the holler, our girls matter!"


Captain Sex Kitten salutes the women of Be Bold, especially Tanya Torp, the founder of this organization who seeks to provide an inspiring, motivational, and above all empowering environment for young women and girls from our neighborhood. As she says, "if you judged our community's statistics against the affluent places you've heard of on our city's map, you might dismiss it as just another high crime, low income neighborhood." Yet the community has pulled together to bring many new resources in via grant funding and volunteer work - including rain gardens, artistic bus stops, neighborhood clean-ups, and a new Farmer's Market on the East End of Lexington, KY. 


Tonya went walking in her neighborhood one day. At the corner light, she struck up a conversation with a group of young women. She couldn't help but notice that they were all very scantily clad, and was surprised to find out how young they were, ages 10-15. They flaunted their sexuality because they had already learned that this was a major bargaining chip. Tonya says "...their bodies were currency and they were willing to cash in to get what they needed. Attention, someone to think they are important, give them nice things. My heart breaks for problems that are so big that there are few answers." These girls did not have direct access to many positive role models, and were already becoming entrenched in a degrading "survival" mentality.  


A woman of action, Tonya immediately started brainstorming and created a community initiative called Be Bold, designed to help expose these girls to strong, positive lady role models with a variety of creative talents and careers. Some of them went to college, some of them did not, all of them are successful in their chosen field. Tonya wants to inspire girls to be successful on their own terms, no matter what, and provide the solid foundation of self-esteem that they need to respect themselves and others. The women of Be Bold will be presenting a workshop on Saturday, October 20.  Collaborators on the Be Bold project include poet-activist Nikky Finney, local fashion designer Soreyda Bendit Begley, and special-effects make up artist Ari Arsenic. 


To find out more about how you can support Be Bold, go to:
http://www.daretobebold.org/

Front Yard Fuckery : You're Doing It WRONG!!!!

Live from Kentucky, my favorite local news story of the week...
"Man Nearly Run Over After Confronting Couple Making Love In His Yard"


This guy notices a strange car parked in front of his house in the middle of the night. It may or may not have been bouncing up and down and had foggy windows. What's the first rule about strange cars parked in front of your house at weird hours? I don't know, but it can't be "walk out there and investigate that shit." I mean, really?! But that's what he did. 
What's the first rule about fucking in your car in the middle of the night? Uhhhmmmmm, don't park in front of your neighbor's house, Dude?! It's also not wise to turn around and try to kill that person just because you got busted with your balls out. I know he probably surprised the fuck out of you and interrupted your little joy-ride. But come on now, homicidal impulses?! The sex wasn't *that* good.   
Of course, by the time the news crew gets on the scene everyone's all running around google-eyed looking for the offending cream-colored-Mitsubishi-Eclipse -  which apparently had time to drive around the block several times before the authorities arrived to take a bite out of crime. 
The killer headline is just the icing on the cake. Viola. 


Lex 18 News Story: 
http://www.lex18.com/news/man-nearly-run-over-after-confronting-couple-making-love-in-his-yard/

The next best fling...

Awwwwwwww hell. I'm sitting here pouting. Thinking of him. He's the best thing that ever happened to me that actually never really was. The stuff of country and western angst. Excuse me, I think I've got a heartache... He sent me a message a few days before he planned to visit. I had blocked off a chunk of my busy schedule and was looking forward to seeing him. We were going to fall into each other's arms, kissing like movie-stars in the park at sunset, spending an entire weekend in the throes of a glorious fling pleasing each other from head to toe. But not anymore. Oh well. Why? Because he got a call from “The One Who Got Away...”

Clarification time. Flings are like roller coaster rides. Roller coaster rides are fast fun, but everyone knows they never last more than three minutes. You see it looming on the horizon, run over and wait, anticipation building, and then ride it for all it's worth! Nobody ever gets off a roller coaster crying! You just enjoy it while it lasts, get off smiling, and move right along. This is a "high fun over low emotional investment" situation. Just a few big temporary thrills, nothing much to lose if you buckle up and ride safe. Happy go-lucky sluttery for the win!

Honestly, this relationship never progressed beyond “friendship with occasional but extremely intense benefits.” I adore him. We're magnetically attracted to each other physically, but he lives far away and we rarely have time to talk about things besides where he'd like to put his cock. Second of all, let me say that I'm crying in my beer right now because I wanted his full attention and sexual energy for a limited time only and it's clear that I'm not going to get that. Really this is a pretty minor disturbance in the overall force. Life goes on. There's other guys out there tripping at the chance for a fling with Captain Sex Kitten, but that's beside the point. Wanting what we can't have - pining for something that can't be, instead of dusting off and carrying on, seems to be a universal drama. We've all done it and we'll all do it again. We just can't get stuck there.  This guy actually did me a huge favor by NOT coming to see me and then turning around and running back to “the one who got away.” I don't need to go there. That's his business, not mine.

About “The ONE who got away...”?! Wow. Half of my heart viscerally rejects this idea, calling trashy romance novel bullshit. The other half of my heart longs for legendary love and eats up romantic trash. I can gleefully envision my friend ending up with the girl of his dreams. They will fall into each other, kiss like movie stars in the park at sunset. I can be genuinely happy for him and wish him luck. I appreciate more than anything his honesty, sensitivity to my feelings, and integrity in explaining the entire situation. He treated me as a true friend, with respect, even when telling me something he knew I didn't want to hear. I know it was hard for him to resist these charms. I respect his decisions.

Somewhere out there there's a tall, tattooed bruiser looking for a tough, loyal sex kitten. This idea tickles my fancy, there's no denying it. When the time is right, we will join forces and the universe will be sexier than ever before. But in the meantime, I'm open to the next big fling. Always one foot forward and one foot back with a whiskey flask in each boot. Moving on....

Pride, Independence, and the Indomitable Dan Savage

In honor of all the festivities this week -- PRIDE-fest and Independence Day -- Captain Sex Kitten salutes Dan Savage and his "It Gets Better Project."  The IGBP has been ongoing since 2010. Dan, an outspoken sex educator and advice giver, found that he was not always welcome to speak at high schools. He was often blocked from communicating directly with teenagers, especially in rural Bible-belted communities. Some young LGBT teens really have a hard time and live in constant fear of high school bullies, and many were writing to him confessing suicidal thoughts, reaching out for hope.  


Determined to help these young teens, Dan made a video of himself and his partner Terry, where they addressed the bullying they experienced themselves in school, but then went on to explain how their lives improved after school, how they met each other, and the loving family they have now.  The "It Gets Better Project" has gathered momentum and thousands of videos are now posted on the YouTube channel reminding LGBT teens that they are not alone. 


Join bizillions of supporters universe-wide in taking this pledge:
"Everyone deserves to be respected for who they are. I pledge to spread this message to my friends, family, and neighbors. I'll speak up against hate and intolerance whenever I see it, at school and at work. I'll provide hope for lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and other bullied teens by letting them know that "It Gets Better."
If you have not already done so, you can take the pledge at:
http://www.itgetsbetter.org/


And now for the best pick-up line ever:


"You have a really beautiful mouth....."
"The better to eat you with!"  
Here's a link to the Dan and Terry interview:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IcVyvg2Qlo&feature=relmfu 


Yeah. That's a really good one. I actually might have to steal that....... 

Dirty Dancing! (Mix-Tape)

Dear Space Cadets:

I made y'all this mix tape! It's imperative that you carry out this mission NOW: We need more living room dance parties! More booty shakin'! More hula-hoopin'! More dancing!

Also, you know, it's summer. So do it all in a sparkly outfit!

Here's a sassy playlist of sexy summer beats. 

(And yes, most of these tracks are explicit as fuck!!!) :

1. Car Song (featuring Santigold) – by Spank Rock
2. X Girl (featuring Rye Rye) – by Teenage Bad Girl
3. Love Me Or Hate Me (with Missy Elliot) – by Lady Sovereign
4. Might Like You Better – by Amanda Blank
5. The Boys – by Dragonette
6. Chewing Gum (vocal mix) – by Annie
7. Sunshine – by Rye Rye / MIA
8. Fireball (Mexicans with Guns remix) – by DEV
9. Boyz with Tattoos (We Jerkin) – by The Bangz
10. Powers – by Blackalicious
11. Cobrastyle – by Robyn
12. Play for Real (featuring the Heavy) – by The Crystal Method
13. Roustabout (Bassnectar Remix) – by Beats Antique

Lucky 13! Feel free to look these tracks up on the music device of your choice. Enjoy Captain Sex Kitten's backyard hoop-a-long! Good times!  

Here is a link to this playlist on Grooveshark, Enjoy:

Want to send in a sexy playlist of your own? Email CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com ! xo  

Read another fucking book!

Sex At Dawn : The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality 

by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha 

From the Independent Study Files of J. Captain Sex Kitten. 

Ever question WHY people are monogamous (or not)? Why are we all raised up on the fairy tale "happily ever after" bullshit? Where did that come from and who benefits from it? Ever struggled with sexual issues in a relationship (who hasn't?!)? Well, the authors of Sex At Dawn are here to clarify all of this and more in a very straightforward way, smacking down the facts and dropping in the physical and social science. This book explains a LOT people, for real. Keep questioning these things! Why are so many people so attached to outdated social narratives?! Let go!!! Or just join the ranks of those of us who already have, alright? 

Most of our Western social mores and values developed as Darwin (and others) attempted to sift data on his already controversial theory of evolution through the lens of uptight Victorian culture. Sex At Dawn frankly discusses human sexuality and unravels a way more likely story of biological evolution without the cultural shame or guilt associated with sex. They answer all of the questions above, and also explain why fidelity can be difficult psychologically and physiologically, why sexual passion fades with time, how homosexuality fits (and does not) with evolutionary theory,   The authors challenges the standard social narrative of the nuclear family. Apparently, human and animal societies that embrace a more communal style of living and loving are often happier and healthier. Transcend the western culture smackdown. Embrace your inner bonobo. We'll all live more happily ever after that way. 


Link to Sex At Dawn website:
http://www.sexatdawn.com/

Got some sexy summer reading recommendations? email submissions welcome at CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com!  

Bad Date? Bail Out!

So, it's a good idea to know what you want in a relationship. That way you're more likely to recognize it when it shows up. However, it's usually way easier to spot things you do NOT want. Undesirable behavior has a way of making a show-stopping appearance when you least expect it. Here are three “defensive dating” techniques from the files of Captain Sex Kitten that usually work when the going gets wrong.

1. The Code – Pick a secret word, such as “pineapple.” My besties know that if I ever order a cocktail involving pineapples for any reason, we just might need to turn around and take out the obnoxious ass-groper at the end of the bar. This happens rarely, but it's fast and fierce, Han Solo style. Sayonara Sucker!!! Actually, most of the time we just agree to leave quietly and quickly when the code is dropped, but whatever. It could go either way.
   
   
2. The Call – Text the code word if you need your best friend to call you pronto with something you must go and take care of immediately. Maybe she has a flat tire? Nothing horrifying or potentially fatal, that's just bad form. But seriously, why put up with low-to-no social graces on a date?! Life's too short to sit there while some idiot interrupts you every five minutes to talk about his car. Seriously. This is a great contingency plan for blind dates or people from the internet who turn out to be insane.
   
   
3. The Disappearing Act – For serious dating fouls and truly hopeless situations only. That dude who hangs out at the bar way before you get there and greets you by rolling up your sleeve and suddenly licking your upper arm?...Wait, what?! NO! That's just....not OK. Should you experience any similar moments of speechless awkwardness and disgust, just excuse yourself. Go to the restroom for a moment, wash your arm off, then leave quickly by way of the back door.

Take care out there, space cadets. The universe is full of surprises, don't get taken aback by the unpleasant ones. Just know that it's NOT your fault if you end up on a date with a total douche-tard – it happens to the best of us, darlings! You are never obligated to stay on a date with a douche-tard. Just move along, nothing to see there.  

Had bad date bail outs of your own? Email CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com with your escape strategies. xo 

Read a fucking book!

Reading is sexy y'all! Captain Sex Kitten will be running reviews of sexy reads all summer long. Put on your sassiest swimsuit and sunscreen and read a fucking book! 

Sexy Reads #1 

Sin in the Second City: Madams, Ministers, Playboys, and the Battle for America's Soul

by Karen Abbot

The captivating story of sisters Ada and Minna Everleigh and their world-famous Everleigh Club, the classiest brothel in Chicago at the turn of the century. Abbott clearly did her homework and does a super job of fleshing out the main characters (pun completely intended) against the background of the Victorian socio-political climate. As we already know, the crazy preachers won the political game in the end. They managed to blow up a destructive storm of tall tales on "white slavery" to enrage the terrified conservative Victorian public - describing scores of poor helpless women who got trapped into lives of sin and vice against their will. The Everleigh Club was one of the first "targets" of the hellfire and brimstone street-preachin' crowd, basically due to their high profile and international reputation. This was despite the fact that women were suffering and dying in the lower rent brothels just across the street, while the Everleighs were taking great care of their ladies and their business and their clients with style, fairness, and finesse.  

The Everleigh sisters were independent, intelligent entreprenuers - pioneers whose club deserved every bit of the international acclaim and prestige. They set the standards high for everyone involved in the game. The privacy of high profile clients was respected and the girls were treated very well by the clients and their employers. The "Everleigh Butterflies" were all given a good education, access to medical care, and got paid extremely well. Not to mention the fact that they all lived in a cozy, comfortable gilded fancy mansion surrounded by priceless art, perfume-spurting fountains, champagne and five star gourmet meals every night for dinner. Nice. 

Got some recommendations for saucy sunbathing lit? Suggestions and reviews welcome at CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com! Thanks! 

Welcome to Poly-Wood

 “Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.” So says the Wikipedia.

I started pondering polyamory after a trip to Burning Man, an alternate universe where poly ideals live and breathe and thrive all over. People get “temporarily divorced” that week. There are camps called “Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet,” “PolyVille,” and “The Heavy Petting Zoo.” There is a public Bureau of Erotic Discourse (B.E.D.), with cheerful volunteers willing to honestly answer any question in a sex-positive light. Everybody makes out with everybody else and everyone is OK with it. Which is pretty much what this Hokey-Pokey is all about. 

Next I found myself momentarily blindsided by the hotness of a man who was “handfasted” into an open relationship. I wanted him BAD. But things never quite matched up. His girl took a strange attitude towards me right off the bat – maybe because she knew what we did in the back of the wood shop!? Who knows. I actually felt a little bit weird at first, even though I knew that she knew and it was supposedly OK. Fascinated, I asked him all kinds of curious things about his “primary” relationship. How to deal with jealousy, how he feels seeing her with somebody else, all that stuff you want to ask people that live a poly lifestyle. He didn't really answer these questions in ways that made sense, but he recommended that I read “The Ethical Slut.” This book, a treasured tome in Poly-wood, pretty much explains it all. Freedom and Love link arms, kick up their heels, and start down the yellow brick road.

According to sexpert Tristan Taormino, my relationship style is filed under “solo polyamory.” I enjoy being single, living my own life, loving whomever I want to whenever I want to. I develop flirtatious friendships and am open to having multiple responsible intimate partners right now. I have a “friends first” policy, because I prefer to sleep with people I really like who take the time to get to know me a bit. The idea of declaring one person a “primary” partner and creating a structured hierarchy just doesn't work for me, but neither does monogamy at the moment. Am I scared of commitment? Probably, I mean, who isn't?! Whatever. 

I take people and things as they come, but am very specific about who I hang out with. I am a wild social butterfly and love spending time with friends, but need to spend equal amounts of time by myself to balance that out. I love sex, but also love sleeping in my bed alone. Just because I love sex doesn't mean I'll sleep with anybody, in fact it makes me a lot more choosy. Everything changes. Relationships are fluid, I don't know what will happen or who I will meet next or fall in or out of love with, and I'll just keep on living and loving and see how it all turns out. Welcome to the never-ending story.  

Want to share your ideas on Ethical Sluttiness? Email your story to CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com 

Fact or Fiction? Both!? Bat Country!

 Don't stop here, this is Bat Country!

Internet dating sites are unpredictable, colorful, and insane. Yet still extremely compelling. I like the idea of shopping for guys online. I like the variety on this buffet, even though you have to watch out for things that went bad long before you got there. There's lots of false advertising. Awareness is key. That said, now what would you like? Type in your keywords, and.... Aw. Hey, there he is!

That's precisely how I “met” Darby. Looking away from the camera, ginger beard and glasses, strong tattooed arms, plain white t-shirt, a gray cat perched on his shoulder. He loves comic books, rockabilly, and claims to be awesome at karaoke. Also, he has a cat on his shoulder. Uh-fucking-dorable. Like most of the tastiest looking men in the online dating world, he lives far away. I messaged him anyhow. 

I find Darby unbearably attractive for many reasons, the first being that he matched the search criteria for an imaginary boyfriend gleefully made up over bourbon on the rocks and girl talk. He technically shouldn't exist. I wrote a story starring the "man of my dreams" and one of my friends just went and searched him up online. Whoa! What the hell?! OK, I am not quite delusional enough to believe that this regular dude from the internet is actually the man of my dreams. Not quite, but almost. Wow.

Warning people: drunk dialing is not a civilized method of communicating with anyone for any reason! But sometimes civilization is overrated.

One night I drunk dialed Darby. Trying to flirt, talking all sorts of smack instead. He didn't hang up on me though. Dirty words flying fast. Saucy photos sexted. Rarely have I met a match for my escalating foul mouthed fantasy fuck talk who met every word with intensity and enjoyed it as much as I did. We cranked each other up. His voice turned me on wildly. I felt him in my bedroom with me while I felt myself up. Darby the made-up lover, live on the phone. I craved the intensity of his touch. I cried out his name when I came and fell deeply into lust before passing out in a puddle of satisfaction.

What does it all mean?! Is this for real?! What's real?! I woke up the next morning wondering how to go back and become “friends first” with somebody I just had amazing imaginary sex with, or if I should even try. There is no right or wrong way to go about this now, it just is what it is. Keep going! For crying out loud, don't stop here! This is Bat Country!

Got tales from Bat Country? Share your own stories with us: CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com 

Not in the Mood

How do I know I'm not addicted to sex? Sometimes I just don't want any!!! He could show up with chocolate and flowers, buy me a unicorn, take me to the moon. None of that will get him laid, because Kitty's just NOT in the mood. Thanks but no thanks. Even though the unicorn comes close to winning the prize, I'll take a pass tonight. Why? Because I want to sleep alone, taking up the entire bed to myself. Because I want to cry about something and don't want to talk about it. Because I want to stay up until 3am and finish this story. Because I'm busy re-drawing the plans for my flying skateboard. Whatever I need right now, it's not about sex.

Candy. Motorcycles. Cocktails. Sexy men. CAUTION: Over-doing any of these otherwise awesome things may cause you to throw up, get hurt, or end up in jail. You name it, there's probably a way to over indulge in it! In fact, I've probably already found out how, and can point you towards the debauchery you're looking for.

Hey, Captain Sex Kitten doesn't judge. However, I do strongly suggest that you declare some boundaries. Just a few, nothing epic. Have one or two pieces of candy, dear, then pass the dish along. Don't drive that motorcycle like you stole it. If two to four drinks will give you a buzz, then stop there. Just because you CAN have crazy jungle sex every single night of the week, doesn't mean you should do that. I mean, not all the time.

Captain Sex Kitten here, saying that there's more to life than sex. Sometimes you really need to take a break from getting laid, or trying to get laid as the case may be. Stop and smell the roses, ride your bike, get a beer with your best friends, read a fucking book! An infinite array of satisfying things besides sex await your attention in life.  

Got sass, class, and a great ass? Captain Sex Kitten wants to hear from you! 

Send submissions to CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com 

The Dating Game

Dating can be exciting and interesting for everyone involved, but just remember that it's all just a big sexy gameshow. If you don't play by your own rules, you'll find yourself playing by somebody else's. Here's some first date coaching that any personality type can run with. Keep it simple for the win! 

Who

The first date is about meeting and getting to know a little bit about somebody new. Nothing more, nothing less, darlings. Dating freaks everyone out a little, so cut each other some slack. Take a deep breath. Relax. Smile. What would you like to know about this person? Here's your chance to find out! Ask questions and listen! Flirt and have fun.

What

We're going on a first date here, not picking out wedding china. That said, people have all sorts of individually crazy ideas about how dating works, so just try to be aware and get a sense of whether somebody's sizing you up as “Ms. Right” or “Ms. Right Now,” and vice-versa. Perspective.

Where

An ideal first date includes hanging out in a casual public place where you can hear well enough to have a decent conversation. Small talk makes or breaks a first date! Watch the body language. Choose a comfortable place and just pay attention to each other for a little while. Great first date zones: coffee shops and small restaurants. Awkward first date zones: loud bars and concerts.

When

Pick about a two hour window of time for a first date. You want to have a clear time frame planned ahead, and stick to it. If all goes well, you'll soon have a second date. If all goes to hell, there's a definite escape route!

Why

There are benefits to having ideas about what kind of person you hope to meet, how you like to be treated, and knowing and respecting your own boundaries. Clarify your own winning scenarios ahead of time. You're way more likely to recognize somebody who plays a similar game and respects your rules when you take a moment to know thyself.

So there you have it. The main objective: simply gather enough information to determine whether you'd like to hang out with this person again, et voila! First date achieved. Have fun, darlings!

Feel free to email CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com if you have any questions about dating. It's tricky like a puzzle, I know.