Fact or Fiction? Both!? Bat Country!

 Don't stop here, this is Bat Country!

Internet dating sites are unpredictable, colorful, and insane. Yet still extremely compelling. I like the idea of shopping for guys online. I like the variety on this buffet, even though you have to watch out for things that went bad long before you got there. There's lots of false advertising. Awareness is key. That said, now what would you like? Type in your keywords, and.... Aw. Hey, there he is!

That's precisely how I “met” Darby. Looking away from the camera, ginger beard and glasses, strong tattooed arms, plain white t-shirt, a gray cat perched on his shoulder. He loves comic books, rockabilly, and claims to be awesome at karaoke. Also, he has a cat on his shoulder. Uh-fucking-dorable. Like most of the tastiest looking men in the online dating world, he lives far away. I messaged him anyhow. 

I find Darby unbearably attractive for many reasons, the first being that he matched the search criteria for an imaginary boyfriend gleefully made up over bourbon on the rocks and girl talk. He technically shouldn't exist. I wrote a story starring the "man of my dreams" and one of my friends just went and searched him up online. Whoa! What the hell?! OK, I am not quite delusional enough to believe that this regular dude from the internet is actually the man of my dreams. Not quite, but almost. Wow.

Warning people: drunk dialing is not a civilized method of communicating with anyone for any reason! But sometimes civilization is overrated.

One night I drunk dialed Darby. Trying to flirt, talking all sorts of smack instead. He didn't hang up on me though. Dirty words flying fast. Saucy photos sexted. Rarely have I met a match for my escalating foul mouthed fantasy fuck talk who met every word with intensity and enjoyed it as much as I did. We cranked each other up. His voice turned me on wildly. I felt him in my bedroom with me while I felt myself up. Darby the made-up lover, live on the phone. I craved the intensity of his touch. I cried out his name when I came and fell deeply into lust before passing out in a puddle of satisfaction.

What does it all mean?! Is this for real?! What's real?! I woke up the next morning wondering how to go back and become “friends first” with somebody I just had amazing imaginary sex with, or if I should even try. There is no right or wrong way to go about this now, it just is what it is. Keep going! For crying out loud, don't stop here! This is Bat Country!

Got tales from Bat Country? Share your own stories with us: CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com