Friday, June 15, 2012

Not in the Mood



How do I know I'm not addicted to sex? Sometimes I just don't want any!!! He could show up with chocolate and flowers, buy me a unicorn, take me to the moon. None of that will get him laid, because Kitty's just NOT in the mood. Thanks but no thanks. Even though the unicorn comes close to winning the prize, I'll take a pass tonight. Why? Because I want to sleep alone, taking up the entire bed to myself. Because I want to cry about something and don't want to talk about it. Because I want to stay up until 3am and finish this story. Because I'm busy re-drawing the plans for my flying skateboard. Whatever I need right now, it's not about sex.

Candy. Motorcycles. Cocktails. Sexy men. CAUTION: Over-doing any of these otherwise awesome things may cause you to throw up, get hurt, or end up in jail. You name it, there's probably a way to over indulge in it! In fact, I've probably already found out how, and can point you towards the debauchery you're looking for.

Hey, Captain Sex Kitten doesn't judge. However, I do strongly suggest that you declare some boundaries. Just a few, nothing epic. Have one or two pieces of candy, dear, then pass the dish along. Don't drive that motorcycle like you stole it. If two to four drinks will give you a buzz, then stop there. Just because you CAN have crazy jungle sex every single night of the week, doesn't mean you should do that. I mean, not all the time.

Captain Sex Kitten here, saying that there's more to life than sex. Sometimes you really need to take a break from getting laid, or trying to get laid as the case may be. Stop and smell the roses, ride your bike, get a beer with your best friends, read a fucking book! An infinite array of satisfying things besides sex await your attention in life.  


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2 comments:

  1. Very well said! I think I should go read a fucking book myself!

    ReplyDelete