Friday, July 27, 2012

Real Love

Captain Sex Kitten is camping out, y'all. I'm out in the woods, finding myself in nature, blazing up the trails. It's good for the soul and stuff. I'm fortunate enough to be surrounded this week by a whole group of like-minded folks, camp-mates from all walks of life who are into the idea of taking a break from the norm, regrouping a bit, and of course stopping to smell the beautiful flowers along the the trail. 

We are all reading a book called "Real Love," by Greg Baer. A couple of my dear friends already have a lot of experience working with this text, as they run a recovery clinic and share this with their patients. They have also worked directly with the author to develop a workshop curriculum, and we're lucky enough to be taken under their wings for a "short course" on the material this week. Never underestimate the importance of looking into your heart and checking things out once in a while - re-establishing your emotional boundaries and making more conscious choices about the way you communicate with everyone you interact with, but especially those you have close relationships with. 

Real Love is basically caring about the happiness of another person, any other person but especially those you are close to, without expecting anything in return. The process of finding real love within yourself first, and then offering it to others, is not always easy. It requires the ability to tell the Truth about yourself, which can be difficult, but once you do that, it's easy to progress to being truly Seen. When somebody hears your truth, they see you in a different way and you can be truly understood. When somebody understands where you are coming from, they Accept you for who you really are, and can offer Real Love. 

Working through this process is a different journey for everyone, and can be very emotionally intense. It helps to have a guide, such as this book and/or people like my friends who facilitate this workshop. It helps to have at least one to three other friends who are willing to honestly go through this process together.

Whether you do it at your kitchen table, in your favorite cafe, or in a breathtaking valley in the Virginia highlands, the process of finding Real Love is a definite yellow-brick-road to peace and well-being. If that sounds good to you, I highly recommend this spectacular trail, the view is amazing! I am grateful to be surrounded by so many compassionate souls striving to work together to make the world a much better place.

Here is a link to the Real Love website: 

Would you like more information about where to find a Real Love course in central KY? Email and I'll hook you up. xo 

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Autobiography of a Fangrrrl - Part 2

Part Two of "Autobiography of a Fangrrrl" by Lady J:

After my sophomore year, my dad invited me to come and stay with him for a month. My brother, Adicus, lived with him, so I was super excited to raid his comic book/graphic novel shelves. I read everything that he had – Preacher, Kingdom Come, Batman, Silver Surfer. At some point, the universe had decided that not only would I like anime and manga, but that I would revisit (and reconnect with) my love for comics. Basically, the universe had decided that I would be a huge nerd, and it was inescapable/undeniable.
After a while, though, I started to feel somewhat alienated. As a girl, it is often difficult to relate to comic books, anime, and even video games (essentially geek culture), because we’re so underrepresented. And if we (girls, grrrls, wimmin, wymyn, ladies, women) are represented, we’re overly-sexualized, or we’re catty villains with huge boobs that could put our eyes out, or we’re conniving. When I was 17, I started getting into feminism and women’s rights, and nerd culture was really starting to get to me. Where the hell was I? Where were the imperfect, awkward girls with black-framed glasses, and Chuck Taylors? I really didn’t know anyone involved in comic books that didn’t have a penis.
After school I would sometimes ride the public bus with my best friend, Andrea, to one of the local comic book stores here in Lexington, and I would pick up a few comics (if they were on sale). I would rent anime VHSes, there, too – for a dollar! I remember getting money after I graduated from high school, and I went and bought a pair of green Chuck Taylors at Paisley Peacock, and then stopped at Collectibles, Etc. and picked up a Ghost in the Shell poster featuring Major Motoko Kusanag, and an Alex Ross Black Canary. I loved those posters. Both cost a dollar (because it was a moving sale) and both featured strong women.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there are strong girls/women featured in comics (and sometimes hidden), but unless you know where to look, they’re often overlooked or considered secondary. Take the Oracle, for example. As Batgirl, she was shot by the Joker in The Killing Joke, and was confined to a wheelchair. She was often overlooked as a superhero because people/fans found her to be annoying and catty. She was, after all, created to be Robin’s love interest. Secondary. After she became a badass hacker, however, she started gaining some respect; and after she paired up with the Black Canary, she gained recognition as one of the strongest female comic book characters ever – and she’s got four-eyes and a wheelchair!
I guess what I’m saying is that, ladies, we are underrepresented, but that’s only because we’re often absent in the culture of comic books and geeks. If we are to gain a voice, we need to be present! We need to say: “Hey, I’m here. My waist is not the size of a mayonnaise jar. My boobs are not the size of cantaloupes. And I don’t need a skin-tight leather outfit to kick major ass.” We need more Wonder Women; we need more Buffys; we need more Supergirls; we need more Deaths; we need more Ravens. We need adequate and accurate representation. I’m tired of feeling alienated. I’m a geek, dammit, and I want to be surrounded by fellow geek grrrls!   

Thank you to Lady J for the telling her truth. 
Are you a geeky girl too? Tell us your story -

Monday, July 23, 2012

Autobiography of a Fangrrrl - Part 1

My friend Lady J is a smart, tough, sweet-hearted comic geek. I've asked for her take on comic culture, when and how she started reading and what it all means to her as a feminist, and she's delivered! Thanks sister! Your voice is much appreciated! 

Man, I can remember the first time I was opened up to the world of fangrrrlness. I was 9 or 10, and my brother Adicus had just had his appendix taken out, and he was still in the hospital from the procedure. I’m not sure how long he stayed in there, or when it was exactly (fall, winter, etc.), or where she got it (there were only two nerd stores in Huntington), but I do remember begging my mother for a comic book (Ad had gotten a few because he was sick and bored in the hospital). It was the early 90s, and I was almost a tweenager, so I had already been exposed to the awesomeness that was the TMNT, She-Ra, Thundercats, Voltron, and the many cartoon series based on comic books that came out in the early 90s. I had never read a comic book, however - until that year. 
I can only assume that my mother picked the first one she saw on the shelf. It was a 1993 issue of the X-Men, and it contained love, and sadness, and strong women, and viruses, and grudges; needless to say, my 10-year-old brain was blown. For about a year, that was the only comic book I had in my possession, and it was mine. Not Ad’s. Not Tim’s. Mine. And I loved it. I read it almost every day when I got home from school, and it never got boring.
Then after being absent from my early childhood, my father suddenly started making appearances in my life - taking us to the movies, taking us to comic book shoppes, taking us to get pizza. It wasn’t until we went to the comic book store as a family that I got a second comic book, and actually, it wasn’t a comic, so much as it was a manga. The manga was called The Dirty Pair. On the cover, were two girls, scantily clad in yellow leather “suits,” holding machine guns. I can barely remember the content, but I ended up buying 6 or 7 of them in middle school, so I must’ve loved them. When I was 11, I discovered Barbie and Archie comics. I even got a subscription to Marvel’s Barbie - hey, I was 11, leave me alone! I really needed to know if Skipper was going to wear that purple dress to her middle school dance, and if Barbie was going to find her lost poodle at the zoo!
For a while, I got “too cool” for comics, manga, and anime, and I didn’t rediscover my love for nerdiness until I was 15. Sure, I had seen a few episodes of Buffy, and I loved reruns of the Batman, but once we got rid of cable, I kind of lost interest - then I was forced to take a world history class with a fellow freaky nerd punk guy. His name was Richard. He had really bad breathe, blue hair, had ADD, ate ritalin like crazy, and was obsessed with Nirvana (the band), anime, and manga. One day I noticed that he was lingering around the classroom door, and so I asked him what was up. He said that he had a VHS for me to borrow, and that I REALLY NEEDED TO WATCH IT. It was an anime. He knew that I really liked Battle of the Planets, Gundam and Sailor Moon, so he thought that I should watch this show, too. I did. Holy crap, did I love it! It was called Rurouni Kenshin, an anime about a goofy, but endearing, traveling samurai. After I watched about 30 episodes, he informed me that he didn’t have any more of the show recorded, but that he was in the process of getting a few VHSes off of Ebay. I don’t think I ever borrowed any more VHSes from him, but he did let me borrow a manga called Ghost in the Shell. Oh boy. Mind blown. I loved that manga as well. After reading the Ghost in the Shell, I started renting anime VHSes from Blockbuster. I think, at the time, I rented every single one they had in the anime section. It didn’t matter what it was. I really liked anime. I was a huge dork. Or so I thought....

Stay tuned for the next installment of "Autobiography of a Fangrrrl" by Lady J - Coming Wednesday... Enjoy! 

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Trailblazin' Time...

Captain Sex Kitten is on the road, y'all. Once in a while, when the going gets tough, the best way I know to cope is to just get away for a while. Take a deep breath, line up all the ducks, pack up some necessities, and head for the hills. Nature heals, but you have to give her a spot of time to do so. TCB.

When the going gets tough, I sometimes turn to an imaginary boyfriend for moral support. This week he's been so great, bringing me little gifts – the latest hip hop beats on vinyl, a cup of coffee to help me get through the next deadline, a sexy pair of peep toe wedge heels. He loves me unconditionally for who I am, for better or worse. I realize that I'm doing these nice little things for myself, and maybe it's weird that I like to daydream up an imaginary boyfriend once in a while, but whatever. I'm the queen of benignly unhinged coping mechanisms.

I'm a lucky gal. One thing I definitely realize, even when I'm stressed, is that I'm never alone. I have an amazing array of very real friends and family who do love me for who I am. The rest of the world can take me or leave me.

My sweet friend Lady J will be lending her voice to this blog next week while I'm out there blazing up the hiking trails. A fellow comic geek and super-fierce feminista, I've asked her to tell a piece of her story – when she started reading comics, why she likes them, and how she feels about being a fangirl. Her essay will be posted in two parts on Monday and Wednesday next week. Enjoy!

Need suggestions for benignly unhinged coping mechanisms (I'm full of 'em)? Email anytime!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Gay-Boy-Scout-Gate 2012

Recently my band was invited to play a gig in Michigan, a special event at the Boy Scouts of America Headquarters. I am a proud founding member of an amazing 80-something-piece punk rock marching band called March Madness Marching Band. It takes a lot of organization and wrangling to get us anywhere, much less anywhere out of town. We were offered a nice stipend to pay this show. A non-profit group made up of musicians and dancers who volunteer our time, any money or donations we receive go towards covering the cost of our travel and musical equipment. Most of the gigs we do we joyfully play for free -- jazzing up parades, community events, and music festivals everywhere we get invited to play. 

The problem with the Boy Scouts of America gig is that this week the BSA re-emphasized and upheld a strict policy banning gays from the entire organization. Since 2000, the BSA has been under scrutiny for such discrimination, and their policies have actually violated laws in some states. They ousted Jennifer Tyrrell, a lesbian den mother, and are set to get served with a petition from signed by over 300,000 people today over this issue. There is an Eagle Scout in Iowa who was raised by lesbian mothers remaining optimistic and currently doing his best to educate his peers and help change the policy. There are parents, teachers, and actual members of the board of the BSA who are in favor of changing this policy. However, the BSA decision making "powers-that-be" appear to be a top secret, 11 member board who meet behind closed doors and mandate these "final" decisions despite the public and organizational outcry. 

As my group discusses whether or not to accept this gig, it brings a lot of awareness to how we each feel about this sensitive issue. I am grateful to be a part of such an understanding, diverse, compassionate, bunch. We have all demonstrated great respect for each other during this time. Whether or not we play the gig will depend entirely upon how many members of our group RSVP "yes" to the gig.

I personally would feel very wrong-hearted playing this gig and have already declined, but highly respect the decisions of my bandmates if they choose to play. I have read the official statement from the BSA (embedded in the Huffpost link below), and still wholeheartedly agree with Chad Griffin, the leader of the Human Rights campaign, who says: "With a country moving toward inclusion, the Boy Scouts of America have instead sent a message to young people that only some of them are valuable. They have chosen to teach division and intolerance." Although playing the gig is not an outright endorsement of the BSA policy, it could be seen as acceptance, and I absolutely reject the policy. A bandmate pointed out that many of us have been paid musicians for many different gigs and special events, and that this does not amount to an official endorsement of the organization. True that. However, the BSA has been emphatic in their refusal to listen to the public and leaders from within their own organization and even open a dialogue that could eventually lead to positive social change. This is the point at which I personally walk away, turning my attention and energy towards helping the groups who are striving for justice and equal rights for all. I just cannot participate in an event for an organization that would not welcome many of my friends, family, and members of my own band.

Although it would be fun to show up on the Boy Scouts' front lawn with a bunch of dudes in dresses. I'm truly envious of our trombone player's closet. He has a larger collection of snappy vintage dresses than I do. 

Link to Huffpost coverage of Gay-Boyscout-Gate 2012:

LA Times link "Board member says Scouts should include gays":

So what do YOU think about all this? Drop me a comment or email me at  THANKS! 

Monday, July 16, 2012

Ask Captain Sex Kitten: Shy in Chicago

Dear Captain Sex Kitten: 

I have a major crush on this guy, except every time I see him I get very shy. He's a friend of a friend. I've met him several times but I'm so attracted to him that I pretty much lose the ability to speak. I shop in the book store he works at all the time, and I swear that I've caught him smiling at me. I look at his new pics on Facebook and we seem to share a lot of interests. According to OK Cupid we have the same favorite bands, foods, colors, and a preference for quiet nights at home reading. What should I do????

-- Shy in Chicago 

Well…. you just need to do SOMETHING. Anything. Or else stop having a crush on this guy because you're just going to sign yourself up for many more months of self-perpetuated angst. First of all, quit stalking him! Or start incorporating that into your plan of action somehow. Quit staring at him stocking books from between the shelves and go ask him for a recommendation, that's a great way to start a conversation. If the cat's still got your tongue, try actually sending him a message on Facebook or OK Cupid to get the ball rolling. Start with all those interests you share. 
What's the worst thing that could happen?! He's really just a regular guy, no big deal. He's human and it sounds like he might be shy too. He may or may not be for you, but you will never know unless you take a deep breath and actually try connecting with him. At some point you're going to have to talk to him. Just be authentic. It does take courage to open up to somebody new, especially if you're an introvert. I'm an extrovert, and I still get nervous sometimes about talking to guys I'm magnetically attracted to. But you really have nothing to lose, sweet friend. Ask him questions and listen to his answers, have fun getting to know him, and then you'll have a better frame of reference for how crush-worthy he is. He may be a really sweet guy seeking a pretty lady bookworm like you and you'll be curled up on the sofa reading to each other in no time. He may be a total whack-a-mole, and you'll never know either way until you open your mouth and start a conversation. 
Good luck darling! 

Got a question for Captain Sex Kitten???? Feel free to ask for more advice on love, lust, dating and sex in addition to a good book recommendation - Contact:  

Friday, July 13, 2012

The Forecastle List (Mix Tape!)

Dear Space Cadets: 

Captain Sex Kitten is hitting the Forecastle Festival on the waterfront in Louisville, KY this weekend with her band! Whoo-hoo! Here's another sassy summer playlist, full of songs from the acts we'll be shakin' it to live and in person for the next three days.   See y'all Monday!  

1. Sunshine - by Atmosphere
2. Lights - by Ellie Golding ( Bassnectar Mix) 
3. Kiara - by Bonobo 
4. Candy Shop - by Andrew Bird's Bowl of Fire
5. No Need to Cry - by Neko Case
6. Wonderful (the way I feel) - by My Morning Jacket
7. Passenger Side - by Wilco
8. Close to You - by Ben Sollee 
9. Sugarbowl - by Kelly Hogan 
10. Drink Till We're Gone - by Lucero 
11. Whatever Gets You By - by The Features 
12. Na Na Nothing - by Mike Doughty 
13. So Long - by Fruit Bats 

Load this Lucky 13 into your favorite music management device and have a great weekend folks! Be safe. Be sassy. Be sexy. xoxoxox

Here is a link to this playlist (plus some bonus Forecastle Tracks!) on Grooveshark:
Forecastle Fest '12 by Captain Sex Kitten on Grooveshark

Link to Forecastle Festival site:

Got a favorite theme playlist? Email with your request list! 

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Be Bold - Existing to Empower!

Dare to Dream! Dare to Hope! Dare to be BOLD! 
"Be Bold exists to empower: from the hood to the holler, our girls matter!"

Captain Sex Kitten salutes the women of Be Bold, especially Tanya Torp, the founder of this organization who seeks to provide an inspiring, motivational, and above all empowering environment for young women and girls from our neighborhood. As she says, "if you judged our community's statistics against the affluent places you've heard of on our city's map, you might dismiss it as just another high crime, low income neighborhood." Yet the community has pulled together to bring many new resources in via grant funding and volunteer work - including rain gardens, artistic bus stops, neighborhood clean-ups, and a new Farmer's Market on the East End of Lexington, KY. 

Tonya went walking in her neighborhood one day. At the corner light, she struck up a conversation with a group of young women. She couldn't help but notice that they were all very scantily clad, and was surprised to find out how young they were, ages 10-15. They flaunted their sexuality because they had already learned that this was a major bargaining chip. Tonya says "...their bodies were currency and they were willing to cash in to get what they needed. Attention, someone to think they are important, give them nice things. My heart breaks for problems that are so big that there are few answers." These girls did not have direct access to many positive role models, and were already becoming entrenched in a degrading "survival" mentality.  

A woman of action, Tonya immediately started brainstorming and created a community initiative called Be Bold, designed to help expose these girls to strong, positive lady role models with a variety of creative talents and careers. Some of them went to college, some of them did not, all of them are successful in their chosen field. Tonya wants to inspire girls to be successful on their own terms, no matter what, and provide the solid foundation of self-esteem that they need to respect themselves and others. The women of Be Bold will be presenting a workshop on Saturday, October 20.  Collaborators on the Be Bold project include poet-activist Nikky Finney, local fashion designer Soreyda Bendit Begley, and special-effects make up artist Ari Arsenic. 

To find out more about how you can support Be Bold, go to:

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Front Yard Fuckery : You're Doing It WRONG!!!!

Live from Kentucky, my favorite local news story of the week...
"Man Nearly Run Over After Confronting Couple Making Love In His Yard"

This guy notices a strange car parked in front of his house in the middle of the night. It may or may not have been bouncing up and down and had foggy windows. What's the first rule about strange cars parked in front of your house at weird hours? I don't know, but it can't be "walk out there and investigate that shit." I mean, really?! But that's what he did. 
What's the first rule about fucking in your car in the middle of the night? Uhhhmmmmm, don't park in front of your neighbor's house, Dude?! It's also not wise to turn around and try to kill that person just because you got busted with your balls out. I know he probably surprised the fuck out of you and interrupted your little joy-ride. But come on now, homicidal impulses?! The sex wasn't *that* good.   
Of course, by the time the news crew gets on the scene everyone's all running around google-eyed looking for the offending cream-colored-Mitsubishi-Eclipse -  which apparently had time to drive around the block several times before the authorities arrived to take a bite out of crime. 
The killer headline is just the icing on the cake. Viola. 

Lex 18 News Story:

Monday, July 9, 2012

The next best fling...

Awwwwwwww hell. I'm sitting here pouting. Thinking of him. He's the best thing that ever happened to me that actually never really was. The stuff of country and western angst. Excuse me, I think I've got a heartache... He sent me a message a few days before he planned to visit. I had blocked off a chunk of my busy schedule and was looking forward to seeing him. We were going to fall into each other's arms, kissing like movie-stars in the park at sunset, spending an entire weekend in the throes of a glorious fling pleasing each other from head to toe. But not anymore. Oh well. Why? Because he got a call from “The One Who Got Away...”

Clarification time. Flings are like roller coaster rides. Roller coaster rides are fast fun, but everyone knows they never last more than three minutes. You see it looming on the horizon, run over and wait, anticipation building, and then ride it for all it's worth! Nobody ever gets off a roller coaster crying! You just enjoy it while it lasts, get off smiling, and move right along. This is a "high fun over low emotional investment" situation. Just a few big temporary thrills, nothing much to lose if you buckle up and ride safe. Happy go-lucky sluttery for the win!

Honestly, this relationship never progressed beyond “friendship with occasional but extremely intense benefits.” I adore him. We're magnetically attracted to each other physically, but he lives far away and we rarely have time to talk about things besides where he'd like to put his cock. Second of all, let me say that I'm crying in my beer right now because I wanted his full attention and sexual energy for a limited time only and it's clear that I'm not going to get that. Really this is a pretty minor disturbance in the overall force. Life goes on. There's other guys out there tripping at the chance for a fling with Captain Sex Kitten, but that's beside the point. Wanting what we can't have - pining for something that can't be, instead of dusting off and carrying on, seems to be a universal drama. We've all done it and we'll all do it again. We just can't get stuck there.  This guy actually did me a huge favor by NOT coming to see me and then turning around and running back to “the one who got away.” I don't need to go there. That's his business, not mine.

About “The ONE who got away...”?! Wow. Half of my heart viscerally rejects this idea, calling trashy romance novel bullshit. The other half of my heart longs for legendary love and eats up romantic trash. I can gleefully envision my friend ending up with the girl of his dreams. They will fall into each other, kiss like movie stars in the park at sunset. I can be genuinely happy for him and wish him luck. I appreciate more than anything his honesty, sensitivity to my feelings, and integrity in explaining the entire situation. He treated me as a true friend, with respect, even when telling me something he knew I didn't want to hear. I know it was hard for him to resist these charms. I respect his decisions.

Somewhere out there there's a tall, tattooed bruiser looking for a tough, loyal sex kitten. This idea tickles my fancy, there's no denying it. When the time is right, we will join forces and the universe will be sexier than ever before. But in the meantime, I'm open to the next big fling. Always one foot forward and one foot back with a whiskey flask in each boot. Moving on....

Friday, July 6, 2012

Pride, Independence, and the Indomitable Dan Savage

In honor of all the festivities this week -- PRIDE-fest and Independence Day -- Captain Sex Kitten salutes Dan Savage and his "It Gets Better Project."  The IGBP has been ongoing since 2010. Dan, an outspoken sex educator and advice giver, found that he was not always welcome to speak at high schools. He was often blocked from communicating directly with teenagers, especially in rural Bible-belted communities. Some young LGBT teens really have a hard time and live in constant fear of high school bullies, and many were writing to him confessing suicidal thoughts, reaching out for hope.  

Determined to help these young teens, Dan made a video of himself and his partner Terry, where they addressed the bullying they experienced themselves in school, but then went on to explain how their lives improved after school, how they met each other, and the loving family they have now.  The "It Gets Better Project" has gathered momentum and thousands of videos are now posted on the YouTube channel reminding LGBT teens that they are not alone. 

Join bizillions of supporters universe-wide in taking this pledge:
"Everyone deserves to be respected for who they are. I pledge to spread this message to my friends, family, and neighbors. I'll speak up against hate and intolerance whenever I see it, at school and at work. I'll provide hope for lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and other bullied teens by letting them know that "It Gets Better."
If you have not already done so, you can take the pledge at:

And now for the best pick-up line ever:

"You have a really beautiful mouth....."
"The better to eat you with!"  
Here's a link to the Dan and Terry interview: 

Yeah. That's a really good one. I actually might have to steal that....... 

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Dirty Dancing! (Mix-Tape)

Dear Space Cadets:

I made y'all this mix tape! It's imperative that you carry out this mission NOW: We need more living room dance parties! More booty shakin'! More hula-hoopin'! More dancing!
Also, you know, it's summer. So do it all in a sparkly outfit!
Here's a sassy playlist of sexy summer beats. 
(And yes, most of these tracks are explicit as fuck!!!) :

  1. Car Song (featuring Santigold) – by Spank Rock
  2. X Girl (featuring Rye Rye) – by Teenage Bad Girl
  3. Love Me Or Hate Me (with Missy Elliot) – by Lady Sovereign
  4. Might Like You Better – by Amanda Blank
  5. The Boys – by Dragonette
  6. Chewing Gum (vocal mix) – by Annie
  7. Sunshine – by Rye Rye / MIA
  8. Fireball (Mexicans with Guns remix) – by DEV
  9. Boyz with Tattoos (We Jerkin) – by The Bangz
  10. Powers – by Blackalicious
  11. Cobrastyle – by Robyn
  12. Play for Real (featuring the Heavy) – by The Crystal Method
  13. Roustabout (Bassnectar Remix) – by Beats Antique

Lucky 13! Feel free to look these tracks up on the music device of your choice. Enjoy Captain Sex Kitten's backyard hoop-a-long! Good times!  

Here is a link to this playlist on Grooveshark, Enjoy: Dirty Dancing by Captain Sex Kitten on Grooveshark

Want to send in a sexy playlist of your own? Email ! xo