Bad Date? Bail Out!

So, it's a good idea to know what you want in a relationship. That way you're more likely to recognize it when it shows up. However, it's usually way easier to spot things you do NOT want. Undesirable behavior has a way of making a show-stopping appearance when you least expect it. Here are three “defensive dating” techniques from the files of Captain Sex Kitten that usually work when the going gets wrong.

1. The Code – Pick a secret word, such as “pineapple.” My besties know that if I ever order a cocktail involving pineapples for any reason, we just might need to turn around and take out the obnoxious ass-groper at the end of the bar. This happens rarely, but it's fast and fierce, Han Solo style. Sayonara Sucker!!! Actually, most of the time we just agree to leave quietly and quickly when the code is dropped, but whatever. It could go either way.
   
   
2. The Call – Text the code word if you need your best friend to call you pronto with something you must go and take care of immediately. Maybe she has a flat tire? Nothing horrifying or potentially fatal, that's just bad form. But seriously, why put up with low-to-no social graces on a date?! Life's too short to sit there while some idiot interrupts you every five minutes to talk about his car. Seriously. This is a great contingency plan for blind dates or people from the internet who turn out to be insane.
   
   
3. The Disappearing Act – For serious dating fouls and truly hopeless situations only. That dude who hangs out at the bar way before you get there and greets you by rolling up your sleeve and suddenly licking your upper arm?...Wait, what?! NO! That's just....not OK. Should you experience any similar moments of speechless awkwardness and disgust, just excuse yourself. Go to the restroom for a moment, wash your arm off, then leave quickly by way of the back door.

Take care out there, space cadets. The universe is full of surprises, don't get taken aback by the unpleasant ones. Just know that it's NOT your fault if you end up on a date with a total douche-tard – it happens to the best of us, darlings! You are never obligated to stay on a date with a douche-tard. Just move along, nothing to see there.  

Had bad date bail outs of your own? Email CaptainSexKitten@gmail.com with your escape strategies. xo